Waiting to become whole.

It's difficult coping with change, most people know this and go out there way to stop it from happening. But.. What if you can't stop it? What if they're becoming more mature, more of themselves? There's always a doubt that I'd be pushed to the side, just becoming that one person that's there when noone else is, but means nothing. This is what I'm scared of. How can destiny or fate allow one person, who means so much to me, to simply push me to the side? But how also, do I cope with the factor of becoming less of an importance and not letting this ruin me?

It is difficult.

The constant feeling of not knowing what they're up to, where they are or even simply do they think about you plagues my mind. Nothing can fix this, no amount of work or time with my friends. Another side is that soon, I will be part of a massive change, moving away, starting university and just generally developing myself. But for the moment, my life is standard. What do I have that makes it fun, makes it special? How can I look forward to this change, or even feel like my days aren't all the same, old boring life, by all having the same pattern? How can I change this, when the person who brings me happiness, brings me hope and adventure, may not even think about me? These thoughts cripple me.

Is this just a temporary thing, until life stops being stressful but ordinary? Or is this something that will never ease, will the thoughts of being replaced change, will they stop once I've found my little bit of excitement, via university? Or will this be my last thought on the world?

A very nice surprise:

Dear Mumu and Friends;
This post is slightly different, its not random thinkings, its about the joyous moment you open a parcel. Today, after an average day, but there were highlights, I came home to receive my graze box.
I don't know what the reviews for this are, but OMG! I love it. I received 4 packets, all of them seeming tasty. I received lightly salted popcorn, jaffa cake flapjack, 'Salsa Fresca' - which is just nachos and salsa and 'Jam doughnut' - raspberry fruit strings, raspberry infused cranberries, almond slices and sponge pieces. Lets just say I am very excited to eat them, but im trying to be restrained, knowing id eat them all in one day.
I have a code, which means that you can get your first box free to try, you can get it by using this code:

FLOP7DD3P

Do try it, I love the little surprise in not knowing what's in there. 

Love you

see you soon

Flo xoxo

Meaning.

What is it that gives meaning? Is it the way something has been said, it's tone or speed it's spoken? What makes the difference between a fast love song and a more hurt, slower love song? It's all about the way things are said. You could say I love you in so many different ways, different meanings but in total they are only 3 words.

Why do we wait our whole lives waiting for someone to tell you that your talented and special? When really, we always have been. Just because someone says something, doesn't mean it's only true now.

There's really no meaning for this post, no inspiration or muse, but words do mean things. I guess you can't feel or understand my emotion through this post. You read the words and understand my thoughts, the ones I want to share and the ones that I thought may inspire or entertain.

The beginning of the future:

Dear Mumu and friends;

The past few weeks have been the most stressful yet;  I found myself stressing over other peoples worries and had the constant fear i wont get where i want this year. But I think I'm ready to get over this now! I really should be the main focus of my life, but there are some people who mean more than me, to myself, and those are the ones that I want to help. But with the added pressure from everyone else, I managed to get myself really down. But now, I am ready to learn, with my help, these people that needed help has sorted out their life, leaving me to focus on mine.

I know there is a few things I'd like to sort soon; my finances; my appearance and getting into University. However, I am in a society warped by favouritism and this is something that is getting me down. When I do need help, will I receive it? At the moment, no. This pushes me away from society and having the need to communicate my ideas.

But for now, there is alot of things that im dreaming of..
Getting to University, developing myself and just generally becoming more of myself, not a person warped by society.
Get my appearance up to scratch - I have been constantly been told this is not good enough. So this is something that extra money can solve.
Pursuing my current interest in architectural photography
&
Writing here to manage and cope with stress or negative emotions.

Love you all
xox

PS; I need watch Les Mis

A new thing that may be interesting!

Dear Mumu and friends;

Yeah so the title is vague and hopefully made you read this. I'm thinking of mixing it up, why not have different types of art, not just photography?
I have found a fondness and calming joy from writing for a while and that is something I don't think people know.

Writing: creative, a story, fiction, non fiction, poems, continuous prose and metaphors.

So I'll work on a piece. It may be a little short, or even some that I have recently found, but be warned. This writing is a part of me, it's my in anger, in love or even calm side working it's way onto the page, via pen or even keyboard.

Love you dearly<3

The images: (digital)

Feeling like home:

Dear Mumu and friends;
The one thing that makes me happier than anything is the knowledge that I have people that understand and actually want to be with me. My Dear Mumu and friends; The one thing that makes me happier than anything is the knowledge that I have people that understand and actually want to be with me. My friends. I think over the past few weeks. I have grown closer to some people who literally make college and my life seem more adventurous, more supportive and generally just nicer. I wish that I could thank them for everything and really just not hating me, like everyone else. But I concur, why is it the last year or month of something, when a good thing appears? My shots came out alright, half the film was flooded and some of the digital didn't look that amazing, but I'll be editing them today. Should be uploaded tonight. I would just like to say, if you're reading this, that you the one reading this, means more to me than anything and thank you for making this few weeks one of the best I've had in a while.. Flo xox. I think over the past few weeks. I have grown closer to some people who literally make college and my life seem more adventurous, more supportive and generally just nicer. I wish that I could thank them for everything and really just not hating me, like everyone else.

But I concur, why is it the last year or month of something, when a good thing appears?

My shots came out alright, half the film was flooded and some of the digital didn't look that amazing, but I'll be editing them today. Should be uploaded tonight.

I would just like to say, if you're reading this, that you the one reading this, means more to me than anything and thank you for making this few weeks one of the best I've had in a while..

Flo xox

This morning was different

Dear Mumu and friends;

Well things have changed, my shoot is planned and I've left the house. Tea in hand, a roll of film and my canon in my bag. I felt oddly happy and excited to go today, well beside the funny feeling inside me. Everything was done early and not stressed at all, which is a first. Though I'm on the bus, camera the seat next to me. No you can't have the seat, I have hundreds of equipment there..

Does that make me sound like a brat? Or just someone who loves their equipment?

I'll keep you informed of my where abouts and hopefully a few good shots from today.

Flo
xox

Looking up

Dear Mumu and friends;

Someone once told me that people don't look up enough; they're right. The archaeology and man made objects, above our heads, are often the ones that are not seen, but are the things that make a city. Much like the things that make us ourselves. Often our dreams and passions are not seen by others, but felt inside ourselves but are often the things that make us unique.

What I am focusing on at the moment is really improving myself. Yes, i know everyone says this about their appearance, but what I mean is my photography and making sure my passion shines through. Obviously this is something i need for university, but i think will make my life seem more adventurous. Lets go out have fun, take pictures, be out in nature and make a camp or find a hidden spot just for us. Lets go get muddy, have experiences that are different, lets just go put ourselves out there. So this is what I plan to do. Lets not just photograph where my college is based, lets travel. Lets really focus on the images, the aestetic qualities of not only images, but our mood, our motivations, our appearance, the world and nature as a whole and lets just live a life where nothing is an extra stretch and everything can be done, if we thought about it.

So how do i start this? Well what would any photographer do, grab a camera and shoot. 

Tomorrow, I have a derby shoot planned, my theme and thoughts? Looking up.

Lets aim that camera high, much like our dreams. 

Todays inspiration board:

Only used the giraffe because reasons.... :D

Obsessed okay.. 

Flo xoxo

Personal writing and burgers and babble:

Dear Mumu and friends;

I am at 19 year old photographer.. or well aspiring photographer who yet is to learn about the independence and the joys of the teenage years. When in fact, technically they are over. I really have never had anyone who in recent years, i have called a best friend and that has stayed. I have never had that one person to confide my secrets in, to text me until 2am or to generally just say I'm okay. But again, I am waiting for that experience.
Originally I was thinking about starting this blog, or even a you tube channel, when i began UNI. This way i could capture and show people in my current position what they'll go through and perhaps, possibly, give advice. But i got impatient.

Most of the things you'll read, if anyone here is reading, will probably be more artistic than full truth. But typically writing is just something i like doing, something that i could do everyday and something that really just calms me down. Perhaps, why i opted for a blog instead.. But maybe some day, it'll change to you tube. Maybe ill look back and be like, hey this was my first blog and .... started from it. Maybe...

My life of the moment really just mounts up to a few little events, that keep occurring in the same order, every week. I really have no adventure, no travels that are big and wide, no specialities or hobbies that make me unique. I am pretty much just a girl that likes being artistic and enjoys writing, or talking to no-one (which i probably am doing now). I don't wish much for the future, just that I am loved, have many experiences and have a job, hopefully in the creative industry. For the near future, it is to pass my course and go to university and to make sure that the one person that loves me, knows i love them.

So that's it for now, we'll see what happens next..
Flo out
Love you
xox