Insecurities in the future

Occasionally it is good to have a sit down and think of plans, think of ideas, dreams and inspirations of the future, and how you can get there. 

However, what do you do when the future is uncertain? 

When you are not sure who would even want to be in your future? Be that someone close and that has been for a while, or someone not as close as you would like to be, would they want to be involved, or do they deserve to be?  

When do you give up dreams, and give up your ideals of a perfect future, because you know that, deep down, as much as you'd like it to, it wont happen? 

What do you do if your future is literally based of one person, and you find yourself following their dreams, instead of your own? Because maybe your own is too difficult, too uncertain or too complicated or personalised for you to share this? 

At this point, do you ditch the idea of your future and just go along with the 'flo'. Forgive me for the bad pun. or do you stick to the plan of working towards someone else's future and their plans, and give away and dismember the ideas that you have had? Maybe these ideas are something that you have wished for a long time, but just don't seem to be resolving, or you just cannot see happening. 

I know most people will read this, if I do even have a following, and be like.. "you're only 20, you don't need to be worrying about this".. "you're only a first year in university" or even "You do media, that doesn't even count as a career, right?". 

I fully get the concept that I am young yet, coming up to 21, but there's a difference between wishing your life away and also wanting to achieve something. 

So far in my life, I feel like I have achieved little, or even nothing and this seems like it is set to continue. 

I have no idea how to sort this out. 

PS:

This weeks new band are Walking on Cars. 

Go check them out on spotify and youtube, I absolutely love them. 

Joyous moments are sometimes the smallest

Reflecting back on life, I have always found myself to be smiling and appreciating the bigger things. However with age, sometimes the smaller, little achievements, or moments are the ones that are more important. Even if these come often, you should always celebrate.
This comes with the news of a new job. I am finally making money off my love, photography and this to me, is a big milestone towards getting somewhere I want to be..

Your Eyes - A Poem:

What if the next time our eyes meet,
you don't remember who I am?
If all our memories and moments that we have shared,
mean nothing to you.

What if the next time our eyes meet,
you don't want to be staring into mine?
You don't see oceans in my blue eyes,
and I don't see that warm, chocolate tone in yours?

What if the next time our eyes meet,
you don't embrace me
and fill me with your love once more,
or make me feel whole again?

What if the next time our eyes meet,
I don't fall in love with you over and over?
Or if you are disgraced by the sight of me?
But what if this is not so?

What if the next time our eyes meet, we kiss?
All that love, that we had once shared,
erupts to the surface, like a volcano.
And I do fall in love with you, all over again?

What if the next time our eyes meet,
the visions of us in the future,
push to the forefront of my mind.
That one day we'll be happy,
That one day we'll be together and safe.
Sitting in a little house, next to the sea.

What if the next time our eyes meet,
you want my vision too?
You share my dreams and want to build on them.

I wish..

Thoughts:

So I've been through a mixture of emotions recently, but there's one thing that always prevails. The need to write or show my feelings. To me this is something that calms and soothes my pains, the heartaches and everyday trials that I'm facing. But I can also use this as an outlet. Yes, maybe no-one will see my post, but its a way to tell you, prove I exist and be creative.
Why should I just use this for ramblings? Why not videos, images, poetry, short stories and even an insight to my life?
Maybe one day I will come to a point where I wish to look back on life, and in particular memories I will share on here, it will be a record of life, and all the difficulties I've faced.

Waiting to become whole.

It's difficult coping with change, most people know this and go out there way to stop it from happening. But.. What if you can't stop it? What if they're becoming more mature, more of themselves? There's always a doubt that I'd be pushed to the side, just becoming that one person that's there when noone else is, but means nothing. This is what I'm scared of. How can destiny or fate allow one person, who means so much to me, to simply push me to the side? But how also, do I cope with the factor of becoming less of an importance and not letting this ruin me?

It is difficult.

The constant feeling of not knowing what they're up to, where they are or even simply do they think about you plagues my mind. Nothing can fix this, no amount of work or time with my friends. Another side is that soon, I will be part of a massive change, moving away, starting university and just generally developing myself. But for the moment, my life is standard. What do I have that makes it fun, makes it special? How can I look forward to this change, or even feel like my days aren't all the same, old boring life, by all having the same pattern? How can I change this, when the person who brings me happiness, brings me hope and adventure, may not even think about me? These thoughts cripple me.

Is this just a temporary thing, until life stops being stressful but ordinary? Or is this something that will never ease, will the thoughts of being replaced change, will they stop once I've found my little bit of excitement, via university? Or will this be my last thought on the world?

A very nice surprise:

Dear Mumu and Friends;
This post is slightly different, its not random thinkings, its about the joyous moment you open a parcel. Today, after an average day, but there were highlights, I came home to receive my graze box.
I don't know what the reviews for this are, but OMG! I love it. I received 4 packets, all of them seeming tasty. I received lightly salted popcorn, jaffa cake flapjack, 'Salsa Fresca' - which is just nachos and salsa and 'Jam doughnut' - raspberry fruit strings, raspberry infused cranberries, almond slices and sponge pieces. Lets just say I am very excited to eat them, but im trying to be restrained, knowing id eat them all in one day.
I have a code, which means that you can get your first box free to try, you can get it by using this code:

FLOP7DD3P

Do try it, I love the little surprise in not knowing what's in there. 

Love you

see you soon

Flo xoxo

Meaning.

What is it that gives meaning? Is it the way something has been said, it's tone or speed it's spoken? What makes the difference between a fast love song and a more hurt, slower love song? It's all about the way things are said. You could say I love you in so many different ways, different meanings but in total they are only 3 words.

Why do we wait our whole lives waiting for someone to tell you that your talented and special? When really, we always have been. Just because someone says something, doesn't mean it's only true now.

There's really no meaning for this post, no inspiration or muse, but words do mean things. I guess you can't feel or understand my emotion through this post. You read the words and understand my thoughts, the ones I want to share and the ones that I thought may inspire or entertain.